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October literally just freakin’ started and Mariah Carey is already talking about Christmas

Carey has announced a Christmas-themed tour for later this year, but it's not even Halloween yet?

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Mariah Carey at Christmas
Mariah Carey at Christmas
Photo: Matt Stroshane/Disney via Getty Images

It’s trite to complain about little, inoffensive things that are only available for a brief time every year (let people enjoy their pumpkin spice lattes, fascists), but only because those things have their regular window and we don’t have to constantly hear about PSLs every minute of every day all year. If you show up at a July 4 barbecue with a hot orange latte in hand, talking about spooky vibes and crunchy leaves on the ground, people are rightfully going to have some questions.

On a similar note, it is currently the first week of October, it’s annoyingly still hot out because our planet hates us, and us fall fans want nothing more than to pick apples with our sweeties and talk about what sort of fun costume we’re going to wear for Halloween. What we do not want is to think about goddamn “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” Not now, at least. And yet, that’s exactly what Mariah Carey is forcing on us with the announcement of her Merry Christmas One And All! tour, which will be running from mid-November to mid-December this year.


We get it, that’s pretty soon and she wants to sell tickets (they’re available starting on October 6), but October just started. She should be pretending that this is for some kind of Halloween-themed tour, and then as soon as the shows start on November 15, she can reveal that it’s actually a Christmas tour and everyone will be emotionally ready for her song—just as long as she never refers to herself as the Queen Of Christmas, a title that she legally cannot use.

Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You (Official Video)

The point of the matter is that it’s scary time, not Christmas time, and she should not be doing this unless she’s prepared to release a new version of the song called “All I Want For Halloween Is You.”